Tuesday, March 15, 2005
i can't believe it.
today morning i woke up early as
i was supposed to go bowling with my friend.
i fed joy,
then showered and changed.
suddenly i heard my mum,
dad and my sister talking
all at once.
and they were crowded around
joy's cage.
a feeling of dread overwhelmed me.
tension hung in the air.
the floor beneath my feet turned to ice.
joy was flopped on the floor.
dead.
dad said that he heard a shrill call.
it was all too clear to me that she
had choked to death.
i picked her up and took her out of the cage.
she was nothing but an empty shell,
a body void of a soul.
her eyes were squeezed shut,
but yet moist,
as though there were tears in her eyes.
no one will ever truly understand what
joy meant to me.
i put her in a box,
then my mum threw her down the chute.
i keep wishing that ill wake up
and find that im dreaming.
but im not.
throughout joy's life she has brought me through
a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
she would be sick, then recover,
only to suffer from a relapse.
now i keep thinking back to
a few months ago.
i was cleaning joy's cage,
replenishing her seeds and getting fresh water.
as i worked,
i kept thinking about how
incomplete my life would be without
those daily chores.
that was two years ago.
it has,
however,
occured to me that even if
joy did not die today,
her illnesses would eventually
weigh her down.
then,
she would spend hours painfully lingering
between life and death.
so i do have to give thanks to the Lord
for blessing her with a blissfully short death.
i remember that during the first week that i bought joy,
i would wake up at 7 daily to play with her.
she would look at me suspiciously
and move away.
how things have changed.
i guess that the greatest gift i ever
gave joy was trust.
even up to her last breath,
the mutual trust forged between us will never fade away.
well.
life has to go on.
one day i'll wake up
and accept the fact that joy has moved on,
and all i have left of her is memories to get me by.
it seems like a long time before i can genuinely smile again.
4:57 AM
