i wish. i had the upper hand in this. but no, its all yours. i've made a mistake and now i can't turn back, its like i'm stuck in this vicious cycle, a pathetic excuse for a life. now i know how drug addicts feel. you want to get rid of this problem that is dominating your life. and when you think that you've finally shaken it off, it comes back again.threefold.
whywhywhy? i have asked myself this many times. but now the question is not why. its How? i've spent my whole life searching. and now that i've finally found what i want, its taken. i wish that i could graciously say i'll let her have him. but no, i don't work that way. i have to admit that i'm filled with bitterness, growing inside of me everyday. why do we always want what we can't have? and yet we persist. persistance or plain stupidity? you decide.
i want to run away from this burden, but i know i can't. i've tried reversing it. doesn't work too. i hate feeling so vulnerable, i DESPISE having my happiness depend on a person. and i refuse to break down again. no one really understands, except God. and no, i'm not going through that retarded stage in life where you just keep whining "NO ONE understands meeee.." no. but this time, rest assured, NO one really understands.
Song playing: We belong together. Gavin Degraw. this song just grows on you.
