Sunday, September 17, 2006

tried studying but i just couldn't...
i feel much too alive to study.
i'm a real night person.
in the morning i'm uber cranky,
but at night, i feel like i could
go on forever...and that's kinda dangerous
because that means that i'm
a potential party animal.


clubbing.
who doesn't like to club?
even such an introvert like me
enjoyed clubbing at Chinablack
but hey, that was 100% legal.


one of my biggest fears is that
i'll become a party animal.
i really don't want to be one.
sure, when i'm of age, i'll definitely
be one.no question about that.
but whether i'll get over that phase is
another new question.
but i have confidence in myself.
in certain aspects of life i
really do have self-control.
why, you may ask, when teens
are supposed to be impulsive
and bold?
well, i don't want to live in regret.
simple as that.


i'm a person who gets held back a
lot in life, by myself.
i prevent myself from doing
things i want to do, because
i fear regret and because i hate
consequences.
"Be safe, not sorry."


and i just realised how,
lol, lovesick i am.
everyone expects someone
like me to be attached or
involved in many relationships.
but no, i'm not like that.
do i look that way, -_- ???
nonononono....
these people have got it all wrong.
but they're not to be blamed.
they judge me by my appearance.
i have been single for super duper
long because i'm afraid of heartbreak.
that's why i vow never to give my 100%
in any future relationships.
why??
simple: because so i'll be able to get
a little bit of me back even after
a heart-wrenching break-up.
i don't want to be unhappy about
a guy, even if its for 1 day.


and i'm a love-at-first-sight person.
shallow, but....*shrugs*
so if i know you and am not
already in love with you,
then i will probably never be.
i don't believe in building love.
why should i??
i'm like an MNC (multi-national company)
((lol so geog)).
why build your own infrastructure
when you can already have a ready
made one??
get my point?
love should be effortless.
i don't believe in much input,
but i believe in output.


so i pity couples who are together
just because they were getting too
old, or too desperate, and as a result
just chose any tom,dick, or harry,
or any jane,jennifer or sarah.
then the both of them,
because they know that no one else
on the earth would want them,
work hard at their relationship.
they work so hard at it,
that at the end of the day its not even love.
its hard work.
and i despise guys who choose
girls just so they can start a family
and lead a stereotypical, conventional life.
they treat their wife really nicely,
i can't deny that. but the truth is that most
of them don't love their wives,
they are only grateful to them.
and the poor woman keeps thinking
that she is so lucky to get a husband
who dotes and loves her.
deception in its darkest form.


so..the last time i wrote about what
i do not want in a guy.
so now i'm going to write about what
i WANT.
sorry folks...just a brief paragraph.
not a list this time.
i love lists, but they can take up
to an hour to make.


i want a guy who will love my insides,
not just my outside.sigh.
many guys 'suddenly' liked me this year,
and i know that's it purely superficial
and shallow.boo to that.
he must be intellectual, and appreciate
the english language.
and have a flair for it.
he must be playful, because i'm so
serious.that would help me strike a balance.
sorta.
he must have the same religious
faith as me. this is extremely important to me.
and he must love God,
not just treat christianity as something
printed on the IC or as something
to fill in the blanks in friendster.
he must be good looking.hahaha.
i bet you were expecting this.
no ah bengs, no goodie-two-shoes.
strike a balance.
he must like nature for real.
no, i don't want a true blue nature boy.lol.
he must appreciate some aspects of
nature though. i would never date a guy
who treats stars as 'dots in the sky'
or who treats animals as 'things sharing earth with us.'
even if he just finds them 'nice',
thats fine by me too.
but he must NEVER,EVER pretend to like
nature cause he thinks that it would
be 'COOL' to have such an interest.
or because that would make him appealing
to the opposite gender.
he must be original.
i hate copycats.
money would be good,
BUT I WOULD NEVER MAKE HIM
SPLURGE ON ME.
i'm not a free-loader for pete's sake.
(i really pity Pete,whoever he was.
his name is always linked with frustration.)
no rich brats please.
if he's a musician, OH MY GAWD!!!
i LOVE musicians, especially the singers
and guitarists.
he must--be there for me.
and not be mad when i'm not there for him.
don't worry, i'm not a 3 am caller.
that's just mad.
he must not smoke,please.
and he won't bat an eyelid when
i ask him to sit with me for hours
on end watching planes at the airport.
silence is golden.
he must be huggable.hell yes.
he's gotta know where he is headed.
and he had better not cheat on me!!!
there must be trust between the both
of us.
it would be cool if he doesn't hang out
with girls too much.
i get jealous easy.
he must be able to laugh at himself.
and he shouldn't be too indifferent.
he should be possessive,
but not to the extreme.
i will get irritated.
he must be pensive.
because that's hot.
and finally....
actually i'm just out of thoughts.
HE MUST BE A MUSICIAN!!!
i know i've said that before.
but.....its important.



i've finally decided what i'm gonna do
during the holidays.
i'm gonna go on a modelling stint!!
my sister got offered to do so.
that made me realise how easy it was.
but my sister didn't want to.
how tragic.
i wanna do roadshows.
singtel,laurier, maybe even BMW.
( the company mentioned all these opportunities
to my sister. )
i heard that they could pay
1 K a week.gosh! that's a lot.
but if that fails...
i'll be selling clothes at some boutique.
sobs.NO!!
but singapore doesn't exactly
have many *cough*goodlooking* girls,
so its less competitive
and i just might stand a chance.
besides, those roadshow models
never were pretty.
they are just so lian that its painful to
look at them.
and like i've mentioned before,
if my age consents me to,
i'll be working at SPCA.
by then i would be 16.


ok, long day ahead goodnight!!
p.s/do read my prev. two posts.

Clara.

10:16 PM

The Writer
[name :: ???]
[age :: 16]
[b'day :: ???]
View my profile!
Dishing out a slice of my life,
with the occassional reality check.
And ouch, those can hurt.
I speak my mind.
So shoot me.






That tune...
Evanescence
Solitude