dreadfully rainy day today. went for a pedicure 2 days back, now my toenails are a neon strawberry pink. i've called my mum's friend. the next time i work will be next friday, 10-10. 12 hours!! i think i'm gonna fall asleep halfway. i think xiaxue's latest post is excellent. i'll leave you to find out why. ;)
i have just realised that i set crazy standards for myself. in almost all aspects of my life. like looks, height(but tt's not really in my control), dressing,even singing. take for instance, i aspire to sing like amy lee from evanescence. but anyone who listens to evanescence knows that she has a crazy voice range, from the lowest to soprano.
there is, obviously, a good and bad side to setting high standards for oneself. most people would look at the bad: "But if you never achieve it, wouldn't you be so disappointed with yourself??" Yes. i constantly am disappointed with myself. but because i set high standards for myself, i tell myself that just as long as i'm close to my goal i'm already a success. and most importantly, i do not condemnn myself. because my life isn't ending the next second. there is always room for improvement. i don't dwell on it.i move on. but dissatisfaction brings about motivation to improve oneself, doesn't it??
that's why i'm my biggest critic.
some people may find it dumb to be so overtly critical of themselves. of course, there is a need for satisfaction! sometimes when i see improvement in aspects of my life i get satisfied. i give myself a little rein, let loose for a while, and feel contented. but soon i'll be back on track again, because i naturally get dissatisfied again, NOT because i force myself to do so. like when i'm not disciplined and skip my crunches at night, (yes i do at least 50) i will automatically start doing it. i don't have to force myself.
yep. i daren't set low standards for myself, lest i get complacent and remain there with no improvements whatsoever.
besides, i've always lived by this saying that my pri sch teacher told me: Aim for the sky, fall on the tree. Aim for the tree, fall to the ground. when i tell people my aspirations, etc sometimes they scorn me. i'm used to it by now, because i ain't a low-aimer. but anyway, people who don't conform to the stereotypical society always get criticised anyway.
but i think we should all dare to dream. one life. ONE. on earth. sometimes i think its a blessing to be born in this sunny lil island. cos its much easier to shine here. lesser competition in terms of people, don't you think so? hmm. food for thought , people!!
clara. xoxoxo
p.s: don't complain about our country any more!
pps: why can't i bring myself to do it?? open a window, type it and press the enter key.and wait. shh.
