Scene Queen.Hate me if it feels good.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Selfishness and kiasu-ism
is not in my league.
but it is in YOURS.
you low class little mentally challenged brat.
i hate rude people.

being rude to others is a symbol
of your level of intelligence.
obviously there are better ways
to deal with others when you're not
exactly feeling perkily upbeat.that is,
in a good mood.
next time when you're venturing out in
the working world, and your boss annoys you,
are you gonna snap at him?
yell at him? tell him that you do
not need to depend on him for money?
that would be pretty dumb, wouldn't it?
you'll live on the streets man!

everyone is rude,
but it depends who you are rude to,
and how rude you are.
snapping at someone dear
or throwing a royal fit
just goes to show how poorly you
were brought up.
didn't your parents teach you otherwise?

why risk turning relationships sour
over something so superficial?
i was stunned for the whole day
when i heard about that huge little incident.
how uneducated can you get?

not admitting your flaws and trying
to cover them up but cracking
when exposed is stupid.
no one is all-knowing.
except God.
and you are certainly not God
or anything like Him.
worse or all,
you never change.
only God knows how much your
stubbornness has cost you.
I wish i could yell
in your ear
"I told you so I told you so...."
till you go partially deaf.

Vulgarities are for people
who have nothing better to retort back,
thus using a simple few letters
thrown together and given a bad meaning.
i could create a bad word too.
xyz is a bad word.and it means
extremely stupid.
you see what i mean?
using vulgarities show that
you have nothing between your ears.

maybe i'm being a unfair here,
because i love to clam up myself and
all my emotions.
i want you to understand
that i've perfectly fine with open,
expressive people.
i respect them for their guts.
but there's a difference with
being open and being
absurdly straightforward.
its ridiculous, you cow.

giving lame, weak excuses
to cover up your
shockingly selfish nature, huh.
well i'm not fooled.
good try though.
you're so typical that its sad.

you should read my book
of deepest thoughts right now.
its so angry, if you get what i mean.
you got me so pissed
that i just had to blog.
its a wicked thing, accumulation.
just builds up and
you gotta risk everything at one go.
if i were an artist,
what a dark, bleak painting i would
produce now!
if i were a musician,
what a deafening,stormy piece of
music i would play now!
but i'm neither of this.
since writing's what i do best,
i do it now.
but seriously,
words can't express(i love mockery)
how fed-up i am right now.
i have accomodated you...

*(a very long phone conversation later...)*

right.
so i've just called delvina
to speak to her about
this whole thing.
she's such an angel.
the reason why i did
that even though she's not in anyway
involved in the whole thing
was due to the fact that i must
have been at my angriest
in my whole entire life.
yes, this is the severity of this whole thing.
but rage leads to sin,
and sin leads you too...
away from God.
50% of my anger has
dissipated, but the rest is still
swimming around.
and i suppose i will always get
my feathers ruffled thinking about
this whole thing.
but anyway, forgive and forget.
its easier to forgive than forget though.
humans are naturally petty in nature,
and we tend to hold on
to displeasing issues.

i'm sorry at blowing this whole
thing up, albeit not out of proportion,
because, one again, i must impress
upon you that i have never felt
so upset in my entire life.
so this was exactly how it was,
without a pinch of salt in it.
i still wobder how i managed to mask
my emotions through it all.
i told you, i'm a pro at it.

my dear readers,i sincerely apologize if at any
part in this entry,
you felt that YOU were the one i was
attacking so savagely.
NO, you're not.
its someone that we all don't really know.
but then again, if you felt convicted,
that is, you were reading it and went
in your brain (is she talking about me?!),
then maybe you are guilty
of being like that.
and its always a joy to change for
the better, so i encourage you
to think about changing.
i know of some people in this
world who say stuff like:
"No one can change me. Accept
me for who i am."
Even i was once guilty of that.
I'm no angel, and this post
was NOT to make you all
feel like devils.NO.
So thank you
for reading to the end of this post,
and please think about what i've said.
what do the people around you
REALLY think of you?
and always remember
to say SORRY.
some people never say sorry.
but seriously, will the sky fall down if you say sorry,
will you go bankrupt if you say sorry?
NO.
in fact, your life will noticably light up.

bye all,
xoxoxo.

5:27 PM

Monday, June 26, 2006

Right, so there's only two words
to describe the new LG chocolate phone--
Sleek and sexy.
and i want one so very much!
i convinced my bro to get one,
hopefully soon.
he shall be the experimental rat.
if its good, i'll get one!
that is, if i can because
my phone and line are less than
6 months old.
i know what you're thinking.
but seriously my phone forbids me to
upload music or unload stuff into
the com.how very frustrating.
apparantly this problem is evident
in my model--
Samsung E 730.
right, so this lg phone is a slide model,
and the top buttons are not buttons, they
are a touch sensitive pad!
it glows red when it detects your touch.
and the LCD screen is nearly invisible
when not in use.
and oh..the luxury of fibreglass.
ok that's enough, huh?
an early birthday present would be cool though! =)
*hinthint.

today was the first day of school.
school gets me really excited!!
imma geek at heart.really.
breezed through the routine disciplinary
checks as usual..haha.
i bet you hate me right now.
i apologize for this somewhat sarcastic, cynical post,
because i'm really tired tomorrow
and the thought of a 4-hr maths tuition is
making me darn pissed.
the lack of sleep doesn't exactly help too.
right, a more meaningful post some
other time, alright?

i've been feeling really down these
few days.but no one has exactly
noticed because i'm the master of
masking my emotions.
i could be fuming, but it'll be
under the surface.
i may be breaking into a
gazillion pieces, but only God will know.
why these negative feelings,
you may ask.
a million reasons, dearest.
meanwhile i'm trying my best to channel
all these emotions into
my best medicine-being cranky.

oh well.
night.

10:36 PM

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

forenote..
days 1,2,3 were copied right out of my journal,
word for word, punctuation for punctuation.
day 4 was just written.
i excluded the dates because i wrote after 12 mn,
which totally mixed up the dates.
i was gone on the 13,14,15,16.
returned on the 16th.

Day 1
Hong Kong
12 37 am.

I'm pooped.
Honestly, I should be asleep.
But while others are snoozing,
I'm scribbling away.
Sure, there was an internet cafe.
But having returned at 12 am, I decided:
What the heck, since I brought this book,
I'll just write in it. Anyway, the internet cafe
would closed.
Besides, I'm not a tech-savvy person.
Letter over email any day.

Boarded CX 710 on the 14th June at 7 30 am.
The flight was relatively smooth,
no air pockets.There was some turbulance though.
I did not really enjoy the flight.
There were several times when my heart lurched
terribly due to sudden descending.
That sucked majorly.

Reached the airport at around 11 + am.
Short flight,but it seemed like an eternity
because the movies were very boring indeed.
Took a bus to our hotel, Majestic Hotel.
Nice, warm and cosy-ish sort of place.
On impulse, we signed up for the night tour.
(Btw, Shaun couldn't come. Sucha waste)
After checking in, my mum, dad sis and I
went for lunch at some restaurant,
strolled around for a bit.

H.K is like a slightly cleaner version of Bangkok.
But even so, pollution is still evident.
There isn't much of an equilibrium
when it comes to housing.
There are the posh, high-rise apartments
for the wealthy, and filthy shophouses for the poor.
I haven't seen a single terrace house or bungalow.
The whole housing system is made to
accomodate a high density population.
Shops are scattered everywhere,
and so are neon lights.
H.K is so polluted that you can't even see the stars at night.

At 4 30 pm the 4 of us went back to shower
and get ready for the night tour.
At 5 30 pm, we were picked up by the tour bus.
Many people signed up for this night tour.
I really adore our tour guide.
He's the rare sort who does not just show you around.
He imparts skills for bargaining,
tips on locations and jokes a lot.

The tour started off with an eight/nine course dinner.
Thereafter, we boarded the bus again and it took
us to Victoria Peak, which boasts magnificent
apartments which houses some of the biggest
names in the H.K media industry.Victoria's Peak
is a mountain, and a high one at that.
It took 30 minutes of winding roads and ascending slopes
before we reached the top of the mountain, on
which is built a shopping centre.During the ride up,
we saw the highest existing apartment.
It is a tall and thin building which is precariously
perched on one side of the mountain.
You won't believe it, but the last few stories of the
apartment are completely hidden from view as they
are enveloped by the clouds.
Unbelievable, huh?I wonder what it feels like to
live on the top floor.Would you be able to see lightning
really clearly?Would it even rain up there,
since you are above the clouds?
Its kinda awesome, isn't it?
The city below looked like a Lego town.

Anyway, we went into the shopping centre
and visited a park at the top floor.
When you look at any source of light,
you will see wisps of clouds just drifting by.
Before leaving the mall, my sis and I
managed to grab some stuff.

We descended and the whole group was whisked
away to a harbour.After a scenic and choppy ferry
ride ferry ride of 10 minutes, we arrived at H.K's
renowned Avenue of Stars.Its the place where big-shot
H.K celebrities get their own star with their name on it.
I didn't really know who all those people were,
but I enjoyed the walk by the river with astoundingly
panoramic views of the neon buildings in the city.

After that beautiful trail, we took an open-top
double deckered bus to Women's Street, nu(3) ren(2) jie(1).
The exhilaration of watching H.K fly by,
and getting your hair ruffled by the wind
is simply undescribable. Our tour ended
after we reached Women's Street, and that meant only
one thing--Shopping.

My sis and I bought soo many things.
H.K fashion is up-to-date, but most of their clothes
can be an eyesore, so I suggest that
you stick to local brands and boutiques,
like Espirit, Levis, U2, Giordano, G2000 e.t.c.
Prices are DEFINITELY lower than in Singapore,
and their products haven't even been exported
to Singapore yet.

We had dessert at 11+ pm and shopped till 12+ am.
A cab brought us back to the hotel in a matter of minutes,
and here I am, clad in my PJs, at 1 30am.
A long enough post, I'm ridiculously tired and
everyone else is asleep.Time for me to retire for the night.

Much love,
Clara.
1 30 am

Day 2
Hong Kong
12 55 am

Today, or should i say yesterday,
was basically a shopping day.
We woke up late, 10 30am.
After brunch at this comfortable little restaurant,
we set out for Times Square, but not
before hunting down an espirit outlet tucked
somewhere behind a classy hotel.

In H.K, the train system is called the MTR.
What I expected to be chaotic turned out to be
a highly efficient transport network
Schedules are made to fit the overwhelming number
of commuters, and one only has to wait for a maximum of 2 minutes for
the next train to arrive. The trains trvel underground, at a much
faster speed than singapore's MRTs.
Times Square was one stop away from our station,Jordan,
followed by two more stops to Causeway Bay,
if I'm not mistaken.

Times Square was rather boring, as it mostly consisted
of posh fashion boutiques. Tea was settled at a small little
teahouse-like eatery.Thereafter, we wandered to the endless
streets before heading back to our hotel rooms
at around 6++pm.
We switched rooms to connecting ones for convenience
purposes.After showering, we left the hotel at 7 30pm.
We then boarded the MTR again to get to Women's Street.
The reason why we returned was due to the fact that after
the night tour ended, we only had 1/2 hr to visit that place.

Women's Street is a crowded and endless market,
much like a pasar malam. Except that this one is endless.
Both locals and tourists flock there for the
best deals in town. Dinner was a problem,
as all restaurants were full of inconsiderate customers
who refused to leave after eating due to the large
plasma TV broadcasting the World Cup '06.
As a result, dinner was eaten at 10++pm.

H.K is truly a city that never sleeps.
At 12 midnight on Women's Street, the amount of
people there (50 % locals) is comparable
to the density of people on Orchard Road
at its peak hour.Youths with spunky hairdoes
and guys with unruly masses of curls wander
the streets. I guess apart from pickpockets,
H.K is a pretty safe place to hang around
in after dark. At every corner is a policeman.

Smoking is probably one of the most
common habits among the people in H.K,
even the youths.Smoking is even allowed in some restaurants.

So, after taking in all the sights and sounds,
we returned to our hotel, via MTR.
The last train departs at 1 am. I getting awfully sleepy,
so I'll end here.Long day ahead.Spoke to Shaun
on the phone..I really miss home.

Sincerely,
Clara
xoxoxo

Day 3
Hong Kong
1 am.

Seriously, I've got to stop writing at such
unearthly hours!

Yesterday (its 1 am already!)
was a shopping day.Shopping malls,
densely populated streets and whatnots.
All of us nearly died from all the walking.
Our legs were killing us.
Many streets do not allow the trying of clothes.
We bought 3 'wildcards' and only 1 was
able to fit. So early this morning today
we've got to go change the goods.
Annoying, isn't it?

Dinner was a joke--Macdonalds.
We were just about to collapse from exhaustion
when we spotted one.Food at H.K is unbelievably cheap.
A McChicken=$1 ++ sing.For lunch, three western
meals at an eatery cost $20+.

H.K is full of couples.They are simply everywhere.
Oh, and H.K guys are relatively good-looking,
trust me.

After dinner, we cabbed back to our hotel.It was at about
11++pm. That was the 2nd time we took a cab.
2 weird things, the taxi meter never moves, and the cab fare
is always S$3.Secondly, the cab drivers refuse to drop
customers outside the hotel. They love to drop you some
distance away.Then while you are entering the hotel,
you'll see them drive past the main entrance.

Countless times while wandering the streets,
I chanced upon several smelly tofu stores.
( Chou toufu )
Oh.My.Goodness.
You can practically smell it from a mile away.
The stench of a sewer.
When we didn't know the source of the smell at first,
we thought that the drainage system was screwed, hence the smell!

1/2 hour ago, my dearest sister closed the connecting room
door and it locked.Try as we might, it wouldn't budge
and we had to call in one of the hotel's staff
to help.

Alright, I've got to catch a plane at 5pm
today, so I'm going to sleep now!

Clara.

Day 4.( written in singapore)

The last day was spent zooming
around the best place to shop,
Garden Walk.
we bought so much that my dad had
to keep making his rounds to the money changer.
we rushed back to the hotel, packed up and while
waiting for the tour bus we crossed the street
for some excellent dessert and tim sum.
we took a ride in the bus to pick up the other
travellers and even drove into the disney themepark.
we reached the airport at 6pm.
Our plane, CX 715, departed at 8pm and we touched down
at 11 20 pm.
The flight was smooth and i watched Ultraviolet.
Milla Jovovich is just insanely beautiful.
oh, and i almost cried.almost.

And that rounds up this trip to H.K.
Overall, it was a great experience, and I am
looking forward to another trip there
sometime next year!

Clara..

10:20 PM

Sunday, June 18, 2006

no,i'm not dead.
just dead pooped.
that is, exhausted.
i did keep a journal on
this trip (yay!) and
i'll be putting it up here..
sometime when i'm free?
haha.
oh, and that story i promised.
heh.

cya around!

12:07 AM

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I'm gonna make damn sure that you can't ever leave
No, you won't ever get too far from me
You won't ever get too far from me
I'll make damn sure that you can't ever leave
No, you won't ever get too far from me
You won't ever get too far from me
You won't ever get too far from me
You won't ever get too far...

i really like this part from
Taking Back Sunday's Make damn sure.
the bridge for that song is reeally catchy.
rather emo-ish, don't you think?

i think i have an undying fetish for
possessive guys.
you know, the kind who treats you
as though you belong to him
and who gets insanely jealous
over the smallest things ever.
i know that for the girls who
want freedom, this will certainly irritate
them to no end.
but don't you think its a positive affirmation
that the guy really is crazy over you
and would do anything to stay by your side?
and don't you think its kinda cute?
but i won't appreciate the extreme cases.
sobs, as my cousin would say.
the ones who are prepared to fling themselves
over the edge of the highest building in s'pore
if you leave them.
what sad cases.
honestly, is it worth it to kill oneself
over relationships?
i mean, right after a seemingly
promising relationship ends,
there will surely be a period of
depression and maybe even withdrawal.
that's perfectly normal.
but ending your life is just plain ridiculous.
if you just let time run its course,
you'll get over it.eventually.
because, as i like to stress,
time heals.
and maybe in a while's time,
you'll look back and feel silly
about getting yourself so worked up
about that failed relationship.
but if you choose to kill yourself on the spot,
then goodbye and good riddance,dummy.
i won't feel sorry for you but
i'll feel sorry for your family
who will be on the receiving end of
your selfishness.
do you know how much they'll suffer on your behalf?
so you'll die with a happy and stupid smile
plastered on your face, sweet goodbye.
and after dying, the pain ends there.
but your family and friends will
be in mourning for a long long time.
since you don't even treasure your life,
you should be born as an ant.
why an ant you may ask.
because ants have a 99.9% (3 s.f)
chance of dying before their time comes,
probably because someone trampled
on them or because someone evil
enjoys torturing them.
like me.
on a sidenote, this is how i kill ants.
muahaha.
i use a damp piece of toilet paper
(because they don't deserve tissue)
to grab a whole crowd of them.
then, quickly, before they crawl out,
(they won't die yet, dimwit.)
i will throw that wad of toilet paper in the
toilet bowl.and for a couple of minutes,
i'll watch them swimming and struggling
to get out. then just as a couple of them manage
to climb up the sides, hehheh.
i flush the toilet.=)
righty, back to the subject at hand.
so, i want a possessive guy.
oh, and he must be reeally good looking
(i can be shallow at times.)
and musically talented.yep.
and he must be good in english,
intellectual, a little emo at times,
sarcastic, and yet love nature.
AND he must be close to his family.
also, he must love me for all the right reasons.
and NOT try to change me.
very importantly, he must love God too.
and i must love him first before he loves me.
don't ask why.
that's the lot.

.........

you know what?
i think i'll be a hermit for the rest of my life.
because no such guy exists.
and even if he does, he'll most probably be out of reach.
so goodbye,i'm going to live in the himalayas.

haha.i love crapping about.
but seriously, i consider those
above mentioned 'conditions'
neccessary.at least, about 75% of it.

know anyone who fits those conditions?
then call 91714*4*.
LOL.i'm KIDDING.
remember, i'll find my own guy.
the last condition mentioned.
i prefer it that way.
cos i'm really picky.
that's why i really don't like it when
guys have a 'thing' for me.
because i didn't hand pick them!
err....ok.better stop ranting.
ahem.

this will most probably be the last time
i'll be blogging,( don't panic!!)
till i return from hong kong.
i'll be gone from the 13th( 8 am+)
to the 16th (latelate at night).
i'll be bringing along a notebook
to jot down the stuff that happens.
and i'll transfer it into my blog!
BUT if the hotel i go to has
an internet cafe, i MIGHT blog there.
because wouldn't that be fun?
that is, if the computers are in english.

this has been a long post..
i'm going to bed now.
i just returned from dinner with
my family.

gone with the wind,
Clara.

p.s: love ya'll byotches!
hah.

11:10 PM

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

i made up this quote but i think it makes sense.
"Instead of hating life, why not make life hate
you for your endless zest and drive."

understand?
well,since all life ends,
never give up without a struggle.
and life will hate you for that,
because,once again, it is in life's nature to end.
get it?

alright.weird post.read my previous one.
=)

10:31 PM

Monday, June 05, 2006

sometimes i say the darnest things.
looking back at last night,
i'm surprised my sister did not
plant a fat boy atomic bomb
under my pillow.

last night she was feeling kind of down
due to some problems in her life.
i know,i know,teenagers have lives
filled with angst.
mine is just filled with crankiness.

she asked me for a solution to the
problem,and i said:
"Rather than looking for solutions,
why not avoid creating problems
for yourself?"
even though it was really dark,
i could imagine her having a
'huh?' kinda face.
and i said:
"Everyone will face displeasing
situations in their life.But it is your choice
to be upset about it.
And when you get upset about it,
you are creating problems for yourself.
So,instead of creating problems
then looking for solutions,
why not NOT create problems?"

i think she must have been kinda confused
at this point.but anyway, she began
to complain to me.
then i said:
"Don't you think it's very selfish of you
to get all moody about such a little matter?
What is your problem compared to others?
Other people are worrying about
much more importants problems,
such as whether they will starve to death
or if they will even live to see the next day."
then my sister said:
"That's true."
i replied nonchalantly:
"of course.i'm quite a philosophical person."
i could imagine her rolling her eyes.

then just as i was about to go to sleep,
my sister started crying.
i remeber being very frustrated.
so i unleashed my weapon of fury-
sarcasm.
i said:
"Its is one thing to cry but another
to be competing with a tsunami.
how much water can you possibly have in
your body? you'll lose for sure."
then i turned over and went to sleep.

reflecting today,
i must have been annoying to the extreme.
kinda funny but....

today was a great day
even though school lasted
from 8-4,8 hours long.

for lunch,florence brought me
to some place to have a great meal.
i was so full that my skirt almost burst.
haha.i'll save the graphic details.

school ended on a funny note.
h.h,pb,my,flo and i were standing in
the corridor discussing about some
CIP stuff.
nearby there was a man washing the floor
with a thick,red pipe.
he was sloshing it all over the place,
and it looked rather life-like.
then florence smiled a sweet smile
and said: "Hey! Looks like Maddedona!"
my mind went blank for a few seconds.
then realisation dawned upon me
and i said:"Do you mean Anaconda?"
Florence went insane and started laughing.
so did i.
and she told me to blog about it.
the reason why i said anaconda was
because earlier that day we were
talking about those huge snakes.

ok,time to message florence to read this entry.
farewell!

Clara.

6:04 PM

Friday, June 02, 2006

crank up your speakers a notch!
i love this song by alanis morisette
Uninvited
OST-City of angels.
i really wanna watch that show.
heard that its really sad.

so..yesterday in the shower i thought
long and hard about this:
Do celebrities really live?

and when i say celebrities i mean
those big shots who get tailed everywhere,
like lindsay lohan,paris hilton,e.t.c

how can they stand it?
everywhere they turn,nosy and poking
paparazzi are just round the corner
snapping away.
they're intruding on your privacy,limiting
a person's freedom.
and if you make a wrong move,
you can be rest assured that
it'll be splashed on newspapers
all over the world.

plus all your relationships and friendships will
be high-profile.
then people will start making up stories
that may result in a broken friendship
or relationship.
and when that happens,
big surprise!it'll be fully covered
in gossip sections.

and we only get to live once.
i'm sure you won't want
to live a restricted life.
or to live a life where you have
to pretend to be someone else.
i mean, you are surrounded by
cameras all day long.
would you dare to walk around on a bad hair day,
arguing with the cashier for
giving you the wrong amount of change?
No.
you'll have to make yourself look
presentable everytime you step out of
your house and you'll have to
be gracious to the most obnoxious people
you've ever met.
there are, however, some stars
who have really bad behaviour
just to attract attention.
aren't they pretending to be someone else
just to be in the tabloids?
in short: stars aren't really what
they make themselves out to be.

all their successes pass away while
all their failures go down in history
for people to ridicule them with.
and when you're a star,
your words mean a lot.
you have to be careful of what you say,
because word gets around.
and normal things are made out to abnormal
when you do them.
for instance:
If someone falls down in public,
they'll just feel embarrassed,
get up, and walk off.
but if a celebrity were to fall
down on the red carpet,
it would be a golden moment.
The star would be sniggered
at and teased about it for as long
as everyone can remember.
the next day,
the reporters will surely make up
some crap story about the star
getting physically weak from
the final stage of some bone cancer
or maybe even osteoporosis.
you never know.
then the celeb,being human,
will avoid contact with the public.
and then surprise surprise!
the following day there will be some story
about that star planning to hold
a nice,quiet funeral in antartica.

also, imagine having to disguise
yourself just so you can have a quiet day out.
but that's not all,
the paparazzi will be right outside your gate,
then your cover will be blown.
how frustrating would that be?

not forgetting some persistant haters
who are just plain jealous.
they also seem to have an endless supply
of time at their fingertips,
creating hatesites anywhere,everywhere.

i could go on and on,
but i'll sum it up:
There's a price to pay for fame.

alright,i'm hungry.
write ya soon..
Clara.

6:02 PM